a good egg (sandwich)

I'm into egg sandwiches. On a toasted poppy seed bagel, on an English muffin, or just plastered between two slices of Wonder bread. At a restaurant, at home. In a box, with a fox. Preferably one sandwich after the other, with egg bits dripping down my face. Cause I'm classy like that. I prefer a simple egg sandwich. Just the eggs, a drizzle of olive oil, a pinch of salt and dash of cracked black pepper. Today I was craving a good messy sandwich. Bodo's Bagels is a personal favorite but I didn't want to drive into town. And I hate mayo. I didn't want just any old egg sandwich. I wanted a glamorous one. One that was ready for her close-up. All fluffy and yellow. One that I spent ample time and energy on.

You have to start with good eggs. One of the best aspects of rural living is next-door neighbors who raise hens. Any time of day I can pop outside and see hens frolicking through the woods, clucking away. I see them now from where I sit. Roaming to and fro. Not a care in the world. One day I was walking my dog and glanced over to see a wayward hen scampering on by in neighbor's front yard. She looked to be a rebel, flitting coyly away from the other hens. I liked her immediately. Could have sworn she had a smirk on her face. If they had hen headphones she'd be listening to Beyonce. All the single ladies. Put your hands up! This is the definition of free-range. I'm stoked about it. When I asked my neighbor, painstakingly cleaning off an enormous egg, what kind of hens he raised, he joyfully informed me about Golden Comet hens which produce eggs known for their size and for beautiful, golden yolks. I'm delighted to be able to not only see how psyched about life the hens are, sashaying through the forest/yard like nobody's business, but to be able to speak with one of the people responsible for their livelihood. As local as it gets.

The steps are simple: start with fresh eggs. Google a recipe for hard-boiled eggs. Crank some Joni Mitchell, relieved that she isn't in a coma. Putter about in the kitchen on a sunny, Spring, Friday afternoon. I've found that "California" is good for egg sandwich making. Sing loud and proud.

I've been hard-boiling eggs since I learned how to boil water so I've had my fair share of army-green yolks. The ones that could bounce off the counter-top. Not ideal. I've also had my share of gloppy yolks when I was going for "soft-boiled." I like my egg yolks pretty simplistic. Not runny, for sure not bounce-able. And very, very yellow.

Despite her attack on Gwyneth-my-pretend-celeb-bestie, there's nowhere to turn but to Martha. Because even though she's opportunistic she's also precise. And accuracy is important in hard-boiling. Le conscious sigh.

I loosely base my eggs on this recipe. Place 3-4 eggs, or however many you need depending on how many sandwiches you want, into a medium-size saucepan. Fill with cold water. You want to make sure to start with cold water. There is probably some important scientific explanation for this. I just follow directions. I usually use a medium saucepan but today went for a tiny one and got boiling water all over the stove-top. You want to bring the water to a boil while the eggs are in the pan, instead of adding them in when water starts boiling. Again, probably a science-y reason for this. Then when water comes to a boil, cover and remove from heat, setting timer for 12 min. This part is sort of tricky. And today I mis-read the directions. I let the eggs loll around in there for 8 minutes and then took off heat, removing them to a cold-water bath. It's crucial to trust Martha on this. At this point she transfers the eggs to a colander and runs them under cold water, but I just delicately remove each egg from pan with tongs and gently place into a nearby bowl filled with cold water. It's important to let them cool because they'll burn the bejeezus out of your fingers if your eyes are bigger than your stomach and you were born without patience. You may end up with finger welts. Not attractive. Speaking for a friend.

Once the eggs are cool get to peeling. With fresh eggs it's a bitch to get those shells off, and I'm doing this gardening project where I'm using eggshells to plant spinach...aaaaand today I thought I'd try a little trick involving a chef's knife, cutting hard-boiled egg in half, still attached to shell. It doesn't work. But I was able to test the inside of the yolk for doneness. Perfecto.

Once the eggs are peeled we come to my favorite part. The break and mash. I cut each egg in half, pry out the yolk and break it up with my fingers (and eat some) and then do the same with the white. Place into a bowl and start mashing with a fork. Not aggressively. If you make guacamole it's sort of like that. Just a tender mash, really. You don't want to get the eggs super teeny. I like a chunky egg sandwich. You definitely don't want a food processor for this. Then, once eggs are to a desired consistency, this is the part I switch up. I never really eat the same egg (salad) sandwich because I'm either really hungry and NEED. ALL THE FOOD. Or I'm feeling experimental and looking for new ideas. But like I said, my favorite way is the simplest. 

At this point I'll mix in a tiny stream of olive oil which I've found gives it a kick. Since I hate mayo, I have never added it to my own sandwich. Only if I'm making for others. But today I wanted to experiment. I've always wanted to try making mayo at home. Using this recipe, strictly because I used to occasionally watch Alton Brown on Iron Chef America and liked his charming personality (I also judge books by their covers), I made my first-ever batch of homemade mayo. It tasted nothing like I thought it would on its own and I'm not sure I loved it or would make it again (super lemony), but it did add a nice tang to the sandwich. If you do make this, mix it very well into the eggs and only use about a tablespoon or two.

To be perfectly honest, next time I won't even use mayo. I think the eggs and very light seasoning and touch of olive oil speak for themselves. If you do try this method, I'd love your results/feedback. If you have a perfect egg sandwich that you swear by, help a picky girl out. 

Oh! And for the adventurous/non clumsy there is also the open-faced egg sandwich. I've done this dozens of times and it's especially yummy with a super toasted bagel and super loaded up with eggs. You should get egg yolk all over your new sweater. On the way to a job interview. Happy eating!